Today, Shelby and Drew are discussing Sex Criminals 5, originally released March 19th, 2014.

Shelby: The honeymoon’s over. The cat’s out of the bag. Issue 4 of Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky’s Sex Criminals sees a confrontation between the sex police as well as uncomfortable secrets revealed between our favorite comic book couple. The issue opens with a charming limerick summary, so I thought it would be appropriate to open our discussion in the same fashion. Ahem:

There once was a blogger called Bee
Who loved the criminals sexy
The dirty stuff was the best
But as to the rest
It was actually pretty touching (heh) to see

Suzie and John are handcuffed in the back of Kegelface’s van after being apprehended at the bank. Luckily, they’re just sex handcuffs, and Suzie knows how to get out of them. You see, these two didn’t just rush into robbing a bank after stopping time by having sex without any preparation like a couple of chumps; no no, they made contingency plans.

Turns out, our sexy friends were pinched (heh) on one of their un-dressed rehearsals, when Kegelface herself saw them in the bank. Unfortunately, Suzie also saw Jon taking a dump in his boss’s potted plant, prompting a discussion about Oppositional Defiant Disorder and the side-effects of the medication Jon used to take to stop it. Between her worry for Jon and Rachel asking her point blank if she was going to rob someone, Suzie is having some serious doubts about their plan. That is, until she helps a little girl at the library work on a project that could get her a meeting with the president. Rachel called Kegelface, and that’s how our provocative protagonists ended up in the back of her car. Once Suzie gets free, she grabs their gun vibrator (because of course they brought a gun vibrator) and somehow manages to shove Kegelface and her cronies out of the quiet. Suze grabs K-Face’s phone, and she and Jon bolt, “like a couple of goddamn criminals.”

Last issue we bemoaned the real beginning of Suzie and Jon’s quest, not because it wasn’t interesting, but because we just like hanging out and talking dirty with them so much. While I do still miss that, I find I’m so enamored with these characters, Suzie in particular, that I’m happy to spend any sort of time with them at all. We’ve still got the charming Suzie-addressing-the-audience action with the flashbacks to their prep work, and we’ve still got Zdarsky’s love of weird sex stuff to giggle about. In the context of the story, it makes sense to have Suzie handcuffed to a bed and trying to get out. The real delight in the scene comes from the details. I mean, come on, Jon is wearing Spider-Man thigh-high stockings with a garter belt, matching gloves, a Star Trek: The Next Generation officer’s uniform top, and his glowing junk. That is bizarre, hilarious, and kind of sexy: everything I’m looking for in an amorous bedroom scene.

Kooky kinks aside, this issue actually sees some pretty serious revelations for our characters. There’s the confirmation that K-Face is in fact doing kegels, and that they seem to be the source of her power.

So, our perpetually angry-looking lady uses the Mighty Power of her Awesome Vagina to enter the quiet. That explains why getting touched with the vibrator in the car forced them out; she just lost her concentration, affording our steamy stars a chance to scram.

More importantly, though, I like Fraction’s look at Jon and his behavioral disorder. While I personally think medication for disorders like his can be an important part of maintaining a relatively normal lifestyle, it breaks my heart how the meds affected him. I gotta say, I’m on his side; what’s the point of living an “even keel” life if you don’t enjoy anything anymore? It’s a heartbreaking position to be put in, to be forced to choose between finally having a sense of control and focus in your life and the joy of actually living it. And if pooping in a potted plant is what it takes to keep him from flying off the handle and doing some real damage, I say poop on, friend.

Every issue of this book is a sexy little treat. Fraction and Zdarsky drew us in with their frank treatment of the quirks and kinks of sex paired with straight-up science fiction, and now they are giving us a deeper (heh) look at these characters and their motivations. It’s fun, touching, and fucking weird. Drew, I’m going to turn this over to you, I’ve got to find myself some Spider-Man thigh-highs.

Drew: Damn it, Shelby! Now I want to write my response in (dirty) limericks, but it’s probably best that I spare everyone my attempts to come up with rhymes for “vibrator.”

Anyway, you absolutely nailed it: the honeymoon is decidedly over. I think Suzie was so caught up in the sexual intimacy — and I mean both their physical relationship and the emotional bond they’d formed in sharing their sexual histories — that she forgot that there’s still a whole lot that she and Jon don’t know about each other. It’s an easy mistake to make — I’m sure we’ve all been there in the past — which is why it’s such an effective narrative twist here. We kind of forgot that there’s a lot these characters don’t know about each each other, and while we knew about the plant-shitting, I know I was thinking of it more as a funny thing somebody in a funny story would do, rather than a petty gross thing that (thankfully) very few people in reality would do.

And actually, I think Fraction might be prepping us (and Suzie) for a harder realization: maybe Jon’s just not a good guy. Don’t get me wrong — he’s charming and funny and dreamy, and almost immediately formed a deeper connection with Suzie than she’d ever had with anyone before, but that doesn’t necessarily make him a decent human being. Jon clearly has issues he’s kept secret, and while it’s possible this is the worst of it, it’s also possible this is just the tip of the iceberg. The thing that’s ringing alarm bells for me is that Jon accepts exactly zero responsibility for his actions.

First, it’s that he has a behavior disorder; then, it’s that his boss “made” him do it. Here’s the thing: lots of people have asshole bosses, and lots of people fantasize about exacting some kind of silly little revenge, but the thought that passive-aggression is somehow warranted is utter plantshit (and, tellingly, symptoms of ODD). Jon treats his story like his pooping is the lesser of two evils — he almost smashed up his bosses office — completely ignoring any kind of healthier solution, like finding a less destructive way to vent, talking to his boss, or even finding a non-asshole to work for. Somebody who resorts so quickly to passive-aggression and refuses to accept responsibility for his actions does not sound like somebody I would want to be in a relationship with.

Actually, that thought reveals some more false-dichotomy scapegoating on Jon’s part. He went off of his meds at least in part because it was getting in the way of having a healthy relationship, but I don’t think letting his id run wild is going to lead to any better relationships. Once again, though, those aren’t the only options. There are countless non-chemical ways Jon could learn to manage his behavior, and my own cursory research suggests that the most common and effective treatments for ODD are behavioral therapies.

I have to applaud Fraction for his investment in such psychologically rich characters. His characters always feel real, and this kind of attention to detail helps illustrate why. I tend to be wary of slapping a pathology on a character (heck, I’m not even that comfortable with labeling “disorders” in real life), but Fraction always takes care to illustrate in detail those pathologies in the actions of his characters. I’m not sure if he’s writing from rigorous research or some kind of personal experience, but it never feels forced or sterile — Jon is simply on a continuum of behavior. Still, he needs help, and it’s not Suzie’s responsibility to be his therapist.

I want to be clear: as upset as I am with Jon (and as much as it pains me to come to terms with the thought that he might not be “the one”), I loved this issue. We’ve effectively moved past those growing pains Shelby alluded to above, and I’m now totally excited for expanding the scope of the narrative and finding out just what the heck is going on with Kegelface and her goons. This issue revealed some hilarious ideas — sexy sex police might be bad at stopping quiet-crimes because they’re so easily aroused (and thus, pushed out of the quiet) — which proves that this series can be funny even without all of the porn parody gags at Cumworld (though I will admit to loving all of the paraphernalia we see in that flashback). This is a great note for this volume to end on — I’m as enamored of this series as ever, but am now looking forward to learning more about our supporting cast.

For a complete list of what we’re reading, head on over to our Pull List page. Whenever possible, buy your comics from your local mom and pop comic bookstore. If you want to rock digital copies, head on over to Comixology and download issues there. There’s no need to pirate, right?